Can’t sleep, eh kids? What if the old man tells you a proper
bedtime story? OK, listen up ya little brats…
Back when the Reverend was a kid himself, in the dark stone
ages of the recording industry, long before the dawn of the digital era, there
existed a now-mythical creature called “the single.” A double-sided 7” round
piece of plastic with a big hole in the middle, you put “the single” on a
contraption known as a “turntable,” placed an arm tipped with a diamond stylus
into the readily-apparent grooves of this wondrous vinyl frisbee, hit the
electrical switch and WOW, music came out of nowhere! It was a magical time,
indeed!
These “singles” were everywhere, and they were cheap! I used
to buy new “singles” – the same songs you would hear on the radio – for less
than a dollar at the five-and-dime store (don’t ask, young ‘un, that’s a story
for another time). The persistent and/or fanatical collector could buy two or
three “singles” for a dollar used, or maybe they were just older “singles” that
not as many people wanted anymore. The “single” usually had a song on either
side of the plastic slab, though sometimes they’d actually have three, or even
four songs altogether on a single “single.”
The “single” had its drawbacks, however. You couldn’t load
it onto your iPod or turn it into a mp3 file, but since neither of these had
been invented yet, it wasn’t really as big a deal as you might think. The
“single” was portable, so you could carry it over to your friend’s house and,
if they had a “turntable” too, you could both listen to your “single.” They
even made pretty cool boxes with pictures and sometimes psychedelic designs on
‘em that you could use to carry a whole bunch of “singles” to a party or
something, or just store them so that they didn’t get dusty or greasy or
scratched up (which could result in the vinyl equivalent of a corrupt mp3
file).
Unfortunately, when the big music business revolution of the
‘80s came around, the “single” was the first recording format to go up against
the wall. New “singles,” the kind that most people would actually want to
listen to, became nigh unto impossible to find at your local store. Sure, you
could still find some old “singles” in different places…garage sales, flea
markets, that smelly store down on the edge of the bowery with the bearded guy
behind the counter…but it was clear that, after almost three decades as the
starter drug of choice for young music lovers, the “single” had gone the way of
the dodo.
To compensate for the lack of “singles” available to the
record-buying public…after all, we all still heard music on the radio and
wanted to buy a “single” of the song…the industry introduced something called
the “CD single.” It was really just a regular compact disc, that evil devil’s
coaster that was invented to eliminate the vinyl LP, but with only a song or
two on the disc. Whereas really cool “singles” had been packaged in attractive
“picture sleeves” back in the day, often times the “CD single” only had a one-sided
insert in their big ol’ plastic jewel case, or maybe just a cardboard sleeve.
CD singles cost more, too, $2 to $3 on average, and they were bulkier and
colder-sounding than our old PVC collectibles had been.
Well, the record industry made out right well selling those
devil’s coasters of theirs, foolishly talking all of us into selling all of our
old vinyl LPs, or at least storing them in the attic or basement to get baked
or hopelessly moldy, and replacing them with inferior-quality compact discs.
Sure, CDs got better as time went by – we collectors made sure of that, you
betcha – and by the time that a record label had reissued an album three or
four times on CD, they usually got it right! They never really got any cheaper,
though, come to think of it, no matter how long an album had been out or how
many copies it had sold. A lot of us sure missed our old vinyl albums, too,
with the rich analog stereo sound, big 12” square covers and beautiful color graphics….
As for the “CD single,” well, after a while, it too
disappeared from the shelves, much as our beloved 45rpm vinyl “singles” had
mysteriously gone AWOL. Most record buyers said “good riddance” to the CD
single format, tho’ to be honest, there are still a few rabid nutjobs trying to
buy up every Japanese, Italian and British version of any Prince song ever
released as a “CD single,” and good luck to ‘em, I say! Keeps them out of my
hair, if you know what I mean. Yeah, the digital age pretty much put the
steel-toed boot to the “CD single” as first Napster, and then this iTunes
thingie you kids listen to became the medium of choice…after all, people still
hear music on the radio and now on their TV sets, and they want to buy the
“single.” Only now it’s digital instead of physical. You can’t look at the
picture sleeve or lovingly handle the vinyl, and the mp3 file isn’t much fun to
listen to, really, but you can’t fight progress, I guess….
Since modern digital download formats seem to have not only
killed off the “CD single” but are also kicking the crap out of full-length compact
disc sales as well, the record companies are beginning to panic. Hell, it
wasn’t enough that they got us all to buy our favorite records on vinyl,
eight-track tape (another long-dead antique music format), cassette tape
(ditto) and on CD (two or three times)…those cretins in three-piece business
suits tried to get you young ‘uns to buy these old albums as “digital
downloads,” too, though you kids proved to be smarter than your parent’s
generation and didn’t bite. You’re only buying the songs you want, and not the
filler the industry tries to cram down your throats. Bravo, I say!
Now the industry is trying to slip a new one under the
radar. They call it the “ringle,” but to tell you all the truth, it looks and
smells just like the old “CD single,” but with some new gloss thrown on top.
The “ringle” will feature up to three songs by a musician: a new song, an old
song and maybe a “remix” version, packaged on a compact disc. Where this critter
differs from the musty old “CD single” is that the “ringle” will also have a
ringtone that you will supposedly be able to use on your telephone…but knowing
how these things go, I wouldn’t bet the farm on it really working the way that
it’s supposed to, at least not at first. A “CD single,” by any other name, is
still a stinkin’ “CD single,” and you can’t turn chicken poop into chicken
salad no matter how hard you try….
This “ringle” idea was thought up by the good folks at Sony
BMG, the corporate braintrust what brought us the rootkit fiasco last year, and
the label seems ready to roll out 50 “ringles” or so come October and November.
So far, only one of the other “Four Families” of the recording industry,
Universal, is eager to jump on board the “ringle” train, and they’ll test the
water with just 10 or 20 “ringles” this fall. A bunch of silly retailers has
bought into this scheme, as well, otherwise savvy folks like Wal-Mart, Target,
Best Buy and Amazon.com.
Here’s the catch to this whole “ringle” scam: these things
are going to cost either $5.98 or $6.98 retail with a wholesale cost of around $4…I
get the feeling that the exact price point hasn’t been set in stone yet. I’d
think that it was April Fool’s Day if the calendar didn’t say it was September,
‘cause coughing up six bucks for a couple o’ tunes and a ringtone that you can
get for half the price sure seems like a sucker’s bet to me.
The industry press releases about the “ringle” have
reporters failing their math exams, too – one report on this story states that
at a $5.98 price point, the retailer will net a 31% gross margin (less than their
alleged 35% margin on a regular CD). Kids, the retailers that I know figure
their margin on the wholesale cost of the item, not the suggested retail (which
most of them ignore, anyway, if they’ve half a brain). If they buy something
for $4 and sell it for $6, they make $2 gross profit, a margin of 50% – not bad
by any standards.
These same retailers are paying roughly $12 for a
full-length CD that they sell for $15, a profit of $3.00 and a margin of 25%,
which means that if they buy ten copies of a new CD, they have to sell eight of
‘em at $15 just to break even, which is why your local indie retailer ain’t
getting rich. The big chain stores might enjoy larger margins, with their discounts,
kickbacks, free goods and ad co-op (40% maybe), but most of the little guys
depend on used CD sales and a steady flow of loyal customers to pay the rent
and utilities. It’s the record labels that will make out like bandits with the
“ringle,” selling an item that will cost them two bucks at most for twice that,
a nifty 100% margin. I’d wager that most musicians won’t see a dime in
royalties from this new format, either.
A lot of folks in cyberspace and around the blogosphere
think that this “ringle” idea is one of the industry’s more hare-brained
attempts at separating a fool and their dollar, and I’d agree with them on most
days. What it smells like to this trained nose of mine, though, is an attempt
by the industry to pacify their beleaguered retailers with a potentially larger
share of the shrinking physical sales pie. The “ringle” will also toss a bone
to the cell phone companies, who will no doubt make a few pennies on the ringtone
side of the equation. The music industry would still like to make the cell
phone into their new delivery platform, with everyone getting their new music downloads
through their phones. Then Steve Jobs could take iTunes and cram it…well, you
know where….
So, kids, this “ringle” thing that is being hyped by
everybody in the biz as the new savior of the recording industry seems to be a
good deal all around, except for the consumer that has to cough up the money
for these over-priced trinket. As usual, we’ll be asked to foot the bill for
the industry’s incompetence, bad business decisions and lack of creativity. In
the immortal words of Sir Peter, the bard of Townshend, we “won’t get fooled
again.”
Look it up on iTunes, ya imps, and get your behinds back to
bed where they belong…and try not to take any of this music biz stuff too
seriously. It’ll give ya nightmares!
